his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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