16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
