so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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