Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
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I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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