I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
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Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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