just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
