Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
