I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
