it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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