I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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