I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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