My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
