I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
