JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize