my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
