So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
