the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
