ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
