This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
