He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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