Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
