I cockslap morals
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
