youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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