the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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