Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
