Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
