there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
