it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
