And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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