soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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