I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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