It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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