You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
