i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
