I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want nice things and good sex
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
