Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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