If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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