no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
