Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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