Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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