Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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