Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
