I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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