I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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