I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
