I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
