some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
