I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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