last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
