Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize