so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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