It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
