I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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