Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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