If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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