I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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