hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
