All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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