I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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