U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
Randomize
