if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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