This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
