Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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