omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
