Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
